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The Random Rebel Coffee Blog:

Lifestyle HUMOR from The Rebel Housewife: Anecdotes, observations, experiences
On LIFE AT 30 & BEYOND: kids, family, men, BOOKS, cars, pets, tattoos...NASCAR, Aspergers/Autistic Spectrum Disorder, Virtual/Home Schooling, teenagers, Navy Mom...




Entries in Humor (6)

Tuesday
Apr292014

Escape From Suburbia


ESCAPE FROM SUBURBIA
by Sherri Caldwell - The Rebel Housewife®
http://www.rebelhousewife.com


The suburbs offered one form of happily-ever-after; but, at a certain point, we had to get out.

As far as suburbs go, "Stepford of the South" was very nice: big houses, two-and-even-three-car garages, enormous lawns. It was like having your own private park, front and back. Of course, the front yard was for show, purely ornamental. The back yard was for living.

Not that anyone wanted or needed privacy. Stepford was a community, a haven for People Like Us, with families and neighbors destined to become Friends For Life. It was written into the sales contract, and the neighborhood bylaws.

After all, we paid extra for upscale family storage. The corporate bosses of our hard-working commuter dads paid well to keep the family far enough away, with a large enough mortgage and household expenses, to ensure job dedication and healthy separation.

Every Monday, the husbands went to work. The children went to school. The wives kept house, shopped, socialized and maintained a busy schedule of community and school-related commitments, basically running the world from their designated PTA regiments.

In the afternoon, the children came home, briefly, and were then carpooled to their various activities. Dinner was inevitably a la drive-thru. The husbands came home late and scrounged for leftovers. Exhausted from the daily round, bedtime came early, after homework and school projects. Repeat through Friday.

The weekends were sacrificed to the Gods of Lawn Care-- Olympics-worthy competition amongst the men, all weekend, every weekend.

My Prince Charming became a commuting, work-in-the-city, weekend-lawn-warrior stranger. When I realized I was spending far more quality time with my crazy neighbor, a doctor’s wife, than my own husband, the suburban fairytale started to break down.

The big, roomy house with lots of space became too much to maintain, to clean, to keep track of young people and family pets. I realized I hadn’t seen my middle child for five years in this mausoleum.

As for the lawn... You know, the city offers and maintains municipal parks. They are generally bigger and better-equipped. And you don’t have to feed every random child who wanders through.

Friends For Life and People Like Us had been selling points, but who can stand their own company interminably, without any variety? We began to plot our escape. From Soccer Moms and Minivans, to the diversity of the city, where we belonged.

The stranger we called Daddy transformed from an exhausted commuter/weekend warrior to a healthy, happy and involved father who walks to work and is home every night for dinner. All of a sudden, he’s always there, where and when he hadn’t been before. While it takes some getting used to, we got out just in time.

--- Sherri Caldwell, The Rebel Housewife®, is an author, columnist and reviewer at www.RebelHousewife.com. After many years as a PTA Mom in the suburbs, she now lives happily-ever-after with her husband, three teenagers, and Mocha-the-Dog, in a midtown high-rise in Atlanta, Georgia.
Friday
Dec112009

9-Year-Old's Wish List (BOY)

[Note: This is a boy who LOVES technology and has an older brother and sister to expose him to the finer and more expensive things in life - note the absence of Legos or Star Wars or games & toys targeted and marketed to this age group...Still, it's a fine example of a Christmas Wish List, verbatim!]



9yo BOY's Wish List

  1. $$$!
  2. Premium Membership on Webs.com (Enhanced Premium)
  3. $50 iTunes Money
  4. My Own Macbook Air
  5. My Own Phone
  6. RC Helicopter
  7. RC Car
  8. Nerf Gun
  9. PIZZA!!!!!
  10. ROOT BEER!!!!!
  11. The Schools Getting Rid of Homework 4 Good.
  12. More Money!!!
  13. A Perfect Christmas Tree
  14. More Subscribers on My Website
  15. The Mind Flex
  16. Outrageous Builders Club on ROBLOX
  17. A bigger allowance
  18. A pet Golden Retriever
  19. A successful ROBLOX game
  20. My own DSi
  21. An awesome Christmas
  22. An iPod Touch 3G
  23. More Webs.com Credits
  24. Advertisements for My Website
  25. A Go-Kart
  26. Ideas for my next year's Wish List
  27. XBOX 360
  28. My sister's and my meter ideas for my own [iPhone] App.
    [See Mom & Dad's Luv Meter FREE iPhone App at: www.LuvShaker.com]

Monday
Aug172009

Back To School in Atlanta

Tuesday, August 11th:
The second day of school was better than the first! The morning bus eventually came, 45 minutes late, but 3/4 of our away-from-homers (including DH to work) were on time today! I am enjoying a fresh bagel and my second cup of coffee.

I am finishing SHADOW COUNTRY by Peter Matthiessen for Midtown Book Group @ Barnes & Noble/GA Tech tomorrow. Also working on Rebel Review/Contest for GIRLS LIKE US this week.

Okay, I lied...or maybe I was just too optimistic: I got nothing done today. Well, except the momx3 back-to-school thing, so there's that.

Wednesday, August 12th:
On the third day back to school, all was relatively calm. The Mom finally relaxed a bit and looked forward to getting something done today...

Illegal Right on Red in Atlanta = $194.40 (the ticket is finally online). I get to go to Traffic Court in two weeks - yay! Any success/horror stories?
[Update Monday, August 17th: Grumpy start Monday, but I'm about to be over it - paid traffic ticket online rather than go to court: My $200 contribution to City of Atlanta.]

Friday, August 14th:
TGIF funny: 9yo *really* likes new camo-pattern undies. Discovered he's been wearing same pair 3 days - others in pack of 4 "too boring"
Note to self: pick up another package of Hanes Boys Boxer Briefs M/M with the cool camoflage pattern so the child wears clean unders daily...

#NASCAR - Childcare offered & accepted (duh!) - Hubby & I are going to the Labor Day Weekend Sprint Cup Race at Atlanta Motor Speedway!!! Woo hoo!

Other than that, nothing going on today: cleaning for Paul McCartney (the concert at Piedmont Park, across the street!) - friends coming in.
The world is a-flutter with helicopters all around Piedmont Park. I think they are testing sound over at the *10-story high* stage setup!
It is noisy out here on my zen balcony garden today - trying to meditate, but this is urban living! They are definitely testing sound for concert: loud & clear! ;-)

Friday, August 15th:
It is pouring with thunder & lightning on Paul McCartney concert at Piedmont Park...Sir Paul still singing. "Let it be, let it be..."
Thursday
Nov152007

WTF?! Santas warned 'ho ho ho' offensive to women

From YAHOO! News: Wed Nov 14, 11:04 PM ET

SYDNEY (AFP) - Santas in Australia's largest city have been told not to use Father Christmas's traditional "ho ho ho" greeting because it may be offensive to women, it was reported Thursday.

Sydney's Santa Clauses have instead been instructed to say "ha ha ha" instead, the Daily Telegraph reported.

One disgruntled Santa told the newspaper a recruitment firm warned him not to use "ho ho ho" because it could frighten children and was too close to "ho", a US slang term for prostitute.

"Gimme a break," said Julie Gale, who runs the campaign against sexualising children called Kids Free 2B Kids.

"We are talking about little kids who do not understand that "ho, ho, ho" has any other connotation and nor should they," she told the Telegraph.

"Leave Santa alone."

A local spokesman for the US-based Westaff recruitment firm said it was "misleading" to say the company had banned Santa's traditional greeting and it was being left up to the discretion of the individual Santa himself.

A personal note to Santa from The Rebel Housewife: Please, for the love of god, go with 'Ho, Ho, Ho' -- we won't be offended. Don't sacrifice any more of our beloved, possibly-tacky-but-still Christmas traditions to political correctness!

Tuesday
May082007

Vocabulary:  CELEBUTARD

In my Group Writing Project meanderings today, I also learned the term: CELEBUTARD...
as in Paris Hilton, in a reference to her in Comments from Roberta on Paris Hilton Top 5 Reasons for Driving While Disqualified by Miss Prozac .
That made me laugh out loud.